Tomorrow

I suppose it all begins tomorrow. I go for my intake and find out the details of when we will be getting this show on the road. As it gets closer and more real I start to get nervous. Not like I used to get nervous about a cycle but still those old nerves are still there.

Countdown

In 3 days it all begins. This Thursday is my first official appointment to start my IVF cycle. I will be meeting with the study coordinator (who I am friends with), meeting with the doc, going over the details of the study and my IVF cycle, then having a bunch of tests done. I will also find out the timeline for the next couple of months. I think I will probably be starting BCP's this month but am not sure.

Am I nuts

With the girls being sick AGAIN i have to ask myself "AM I NUTS DOING THIS AGAIN???" The timing is obviously not ideal. The girls are so young. We are still exhausted. We both know we are doing the right thing and know that God is choosing the timing for us. On a good day I am thrilled with the prospective of more but on those few bad days I have to take some pause. ;>)

Deja Vu

So the first time I went back to the clinic after having the girls was recently. I wanted to take them in sooner to show the nurses, office staff and docs. The girls had such a rough start and even rougher winter that I hated to expose them to germs. Consequently the first time I took them in was for my pre-testing when they were 8 months old.

On the drive over I was actually nervous... like butterflies in my stomach nervous. When I got there and went in it felt like returning to the scene of a crime. All of the girls in the office remembered me immediately and fawned all over the girls. I felt like crap sitting there with my beautiful babies knowing that someone in that office did NOT need to see babies that day. That part was a struggle. It was so weird being in a place I spent so much time in but under such different circumstances.

I vow not to bring the girls back unless I absolutely have to. It was very strange bringing them to the place that they were made. They even lived there (in a nice warm petrie dish) for a few days without me. You could almost say it was their first home of sorts.

Anyway, enough rambling.

Waiting

Not much going on on the IVF front. We are waiting for all of our pre-testing to be complete. I have my "intake" appointment on March 29th. After that I need my mock transfer and sonohystogram (sp?) and then we can start any time. I am trying to push it back so my cycle doesn't start until after Abby's eye surgery. We'll see how that goes...

Why It's a Secret

So here is the skinny on why I am not announcing my IVF cycle to the world, my friends and all my family:

We have only told immediate family about our upcoming IVF. Before we decided to keep our lips sealed we did share the news with a couple people. Unfortunately the responses we got were less than supportive. Even a couple close family members were less than thrilled. No one said anything outright but you could tell there was not 100% support.

My Mom (who is BEYOND supportive and thank God for that) suggested perhaps we not tell everyone how we get pg (if we do). She reminded me that it is no ones business but ours and Gods... and she is damn right. I don't need to hear peoples remarks or opinions. I don't need to be called selfish just because I am a good Mom and want more kids. I don't need to feel like I am doing something wrong.

So for now I will share this news with my friends from FF, my very closest family and friends and hopefully no one else. And if you find your way here by accident... SSSSHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Risk of Multiples

Of the people who know we are doing IVf again the biggest questions are how will you fit more kids in your house and what if you have another set of twins. The first answer is easy... babies are small. They really don't require acres of space. We can make that work. The second is a bit trickier.

At our clinic the chances of twins when transferring 3 embryos (and we will ONLY do 2, no more) is 30.5% and triplets is 7.9% IF you get pg. The pregnancy rate is 43.1%. Bear in mind these numbers are for an average of 3 embies. So we know that it is possible. As much as I would love to experience life with a singleton I would also love another set of twins. I know how crazy it would be and I know how little sleep I would get... I have twins I can imagine. I just can't imagine not doing it because of the risk. Children are such a huge blessing and miracle for us that I would welcome them in any number.