tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78955902279583503292024-02-20T19:40:24.882-05:00Life is Short...But WideAs a Mom of twin girls I thought I would never submit myself to more fertility treatments, especially not IVF. When the opportunity to have a free cycle of IVF through a clinical trial arose I jumped at the chance. We tried again and we failed again. Now we have 11 totsicles waiting for transfer but have to save up the cash to try again.
Who knows what will happen... but it will sure be interesting.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-52719134089702388312010-06-13T22:00:00.002-04:002010-06-13T22:03:51.830-04:00ThinkingWe're thinking about it. You know... trying again. Thinking for us means months and months and month away. It is a matter of organizing, planning, saving, timing and so much more. We both would love another child but there are so many factors, it's hard to explain. Because the big kids have had to get their heads around both of my sisters having new babies I feel like another child would be like a knock on the head. Because of our unusual family dynamic our kids are more like siblings to them than cousins. So for us timing is everything. <br /><br />So for now we are thinking. Maybe sometime in the (hopefully) near future we might be thinking about trying again.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-65767287306279478152009-06-23T22:51:00.000-04:002009-06-23T22:52:38.260-04:00Had the talkBrian and I had a nice long talk about our TTC tonight and we quickly came to the same conclusion... It's go time. :D We're not sure if we'll even feel like the girls are the perfect age to try for another but this is as good a time as any. One thing is clear is that we both want more kids. We don't know how many but we're not done trying yet. <br /><br />So we're hoping the news next week is good news!Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-49041294925797814102009-06-22T21:09:00.001-04:002009-06-22T21:10:23.370-04:00Called for my consultI called today to schedule my FET cycle consult. Looks like I need all my pre-testing again... including the dreaded HSG. I talk to the doc a week from tomorrow. <br /><br />Am I nuts???Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-90306478862816977572009-06-21T20:39:00.001-04:002009-06-21T20:41:59.141-04:00Maybe soon?I don't know if anyone has even subscribed to this blog or bothers to follow it. I know I haven't posted a damn thing in months. I think about our next IVF almost daily. Despite my bitching and whining about how hard life with two kids is we definitely want more kids. And not "someday" kind of want but soon. It just seems like the timing for a cycle is never right. Knowing that even a FET cycle involves bed rest, no lifting for two weeks, no bending from waist, etc. makes it nearly impossible with two kids. <br /><br />We are thinking maybe next month. Not sure if it will come to actualization but we're hoping the cards all fall the right way so we can give it a shot during the summer.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-90110472431093867032009-01-13T22:49:00.000-05:002009-01-13T22:51:34.727-05:00Needed a place to whineNot sure why I got on this tangent today. Maybe it was that adorable baby we saw at the mall yesterday? Maybe it was the 6 month old set of twins I saw at CHOP recently? Maybe it's hormones or something? I don't freaking know. But it dawned on me the other day... I might not have any more kids. Maybe my girls really were my miracle babies. Maybe I will do more IVF's and more FET's but will never conceive again. Or worse yet I will and I will suffer another devastating loss. <br /><br />Why in the hell is it so much harder for us than "normal" people. Normal people have sex, get pregnant, stay pregnant and repeat the cycle as many times as they want. Then there are the people who have to take medications to get pregnant. Then there are those who need to do IUI's in order to get pregnant. Then there are those who do IVF and it works... every time. Then there is us. Four IVF's in total. Two kids we have and two kids we lost. A lot more pain than I can count.<br /><br />Yes, I know there is a damn worse level above us. Those who do IVF's and never conceive. I am not stupid enough to sit here and think I have it so much worse than everyone. I know it could be worse. It just sucks. It should be easier. For me. For the ones who have it worse. For the ones who can't conceive or do time and time again only to lose and lose and lose. It just plain sucks.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-22018207232916251842008-11-03T12:59:00.001-05:002008-11-03T13:01:44.020-05:00Am I crazy?Haven't posted anything here in four months. I look at it once in a while and think that had our IVF worked I would have been that far along in a pregnancy. Probably for the best that it didn't work since life has been stressful lately. That being said I have started thinking about when to do our first FET. Am I nuts or what? I am stressed beyond belief but want another baby. I have always wanted my kids close together in age and let's face it, Brian and I ain't getting any younger. ;D We are only in the thinking, planning, considering stage but wanted to jot my thoughts down for later. Guess we'll see what happens...Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-58753125983499729982008-06-23T16:04:00.001-04:002008-06-23T16:06:53.005-04:00Officially doneI had my beta this morning and it was a big fat goose egg. <br /><br />Our plan is to save, save, save until we can afford the $2,500 or so for a FET (plus meds). It might be a while so I'll be back... eventually. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/"><br /><img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10723;56/st/20080619/e/The+last+failed+cycle/k/33f1/event.png"></a>Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-1627766820221063372008-06-21T13:41:00.001-04:002008-06-21T13:42:48.334-04:00That's all folksI am definitely not pregnant. AF showed in full bitchy force today. It just sucks. I know how lucky I am to have my girls. The disappointment will never be what it was before I had the girls. I just hate having to go through more treatments. It means more money, more hormones, more waiting. It brings back all that resentment about how others can just decide "oh, time for us to have another baby." While too many of us have to plan, save, and suffer through treatment after treatment. Infertility is a very nasty beast.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-24147240974110362372008-06-20T22:40:00.001-04:002008-06-20T22:41:00.803-04:00The sameThe spotting has continued and is getting a little heavier tonight. Thinking the end is here. Oh well...Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-74847295120875691842008-06-19T23:24:00.001-04:002008-06-19T23:24:27.910-04:00:(Started spotting today... not looking so good at this point.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-45492942605596108002008-06-17T22:45:00.001-04:002008-06-17T22:46:58.969-04:00Trigger is goneI tested yesterday just to make sure the trigger HcG was gone... and it is. From here on any positive I get is the real deal. Not sure when I will test. In my previous IVF and IUI cycles I was so patient. This time around I am so ready to test. I guess I just want to know and get the heck on with it. Strange how naive I was thinking I would get through this without any of that old anxiety and stress. ;>)Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-24482865916346700312008-06-14T21:40:00.002-04:002008-06-16T10:46:44.554-04:00WaitingHere is a nice ticker to pass the time:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/"><br /><img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10723;27/st/20080623/e/My+Beta%21%21%21%21/k/b5b1/event.png"></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/"><br /><img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10716;56/st/20080611/e/The+Embryo+Transfer/k/044a/event.png"></a>Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-16686704574700204122008-06-12T19:12:00.002-04:002008-06-12T19:16:14.057-04:00Tired and acheyIn previous IV cycles I have spent the bedrest portion of the cycle laying in bed stressing over whether the cycle would work. I also felt pretty ok. By the end of the second day I would feel a little sore from laying still for so long. This time has not bee so easy. I miss being a full time Mom to my kids. The OHSS is extremely uncomfortable (to say the least). My body aches terribly from laying in bed too long. When I do get up I feel tired and weak. I guess it doesn't help that I went into this sleep deprived and exhausted. It also doesn't help that I hyperstimulated so much. <br /><br />I am just ready for this portion to be a thing of the past so I can get back to my normal routine. Tomorrow I am allowed to get out of bed but I do have restrictions. No vacuuming (YAY!), no bending from the waste (not easy with two kids) and no lifting over 15 lbs (hmm... I have a 16 pounder and an 18 pounder... not sure how that will go). This whole IVF thing is definitely a lot easier without two kids in tow.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-68945105022823111122008-06-11T17:37:00.001-04:002008-06-11T17:37:31.241-04:00ET Complete!We went for our ET this am at 10. Things went really well and we transferred two 6-celled Grade A embryos. <br /><br />We now have 11 frozen embryos for later. We lost a couple in the past two days.<br /><br />Unfortunately the OHSS has hit hard. I feel like garbage. Thankfully I have two days of bed rest right now. So now we wait!Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-2973507275295558412008-06-09T10:13:00.000-04:002008-06-09T10:14:22.644-04:0016 EmbryosI went this am for b/w and to get randomized into the study part of this IVF. I would either get the progesterone gel or the ring and I got the ring. I talked to the embryologist and they managed ICSI on 17 eggs, 16 of those fertilized... way more that we have ever had. They are freezing 6 today and leaving 10 out to choose the best 2 for Wed. After Wed. the remaining 8 will be frozen so we will have 14 snowbabies. Guess it's good we always wanted a big family.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-87229408043802517242008-06-08T19:26:00.001-04:002008-06-08T19:26:38.266-04:0021 EggsOut of my 27 mature follicles they got 21 eggs this morning. The procedure went well but I am hurting much more than my previous 2 fresh cycles. They gave me Tylenol 3 to help with the pain for now. The good news is that they are allowing me to go ahead with the ET on Wed. and will let us transfer 2. Ok, back to the couch.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-688189744384390292008-06-07T23:12:00.002-04:002008-06-07T23:14:21.424-04:00NervesSo, now the nerves are setting in. I am nervous about:<br /><br />- OHSS<br />- Being in pain and having to be a Mom to my girls<br />- The ET being cancelled and having to move on to a FET<br />- The IVF working<br />- The IVF not working<br />- The anesthesia<br />- Having another kid<br />- Not having another kid<br />- and on and on and on. <br /><br />Guess I need a decent nights sleep and to just get tomorrow over with.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-46292921408703661602008-06-07T21:13:00.001-04:002008-06-07T21:13:19.179-04:00Here we goWe have to be at the office tomorrow am at 8:15am and the procedure is scheduled for 9:30. My Estradiol skyrocketed today to 6,400 so it looks like OHSS is inevitable this week. Yuck! They most likely will not cancel the ET but may only allow us to transfer 1 embryo. I will know more tomorrow. Wish me luck!Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-89847966293604907872008-06-06T23:28:00.002-04:002008-06-06T23:30:49.868-04:00Hcg...done!I finally got my callback today and I was allowed to trigger. At 10:30 we did the trigger shot and those damn IM shots hurt as much as I remember. My estradiol was still ridiculously high so we will be keeping our fingers crossed the OHSS isn't too bad. I go first thing Sunday morning for my ER. Then my ET will be Wednesday morning. <br /><br />For the first time today I got a little panicked about the thought of another set of twins. We plan to transfer 2 since 1 hardly seems worth it for me. Then I started thinking of the logistics of 4 kids instead of 2. It was a little too scary to think about. ;>)Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-43828364561970617762008-06-06T13:39:00.000-04:002008-06-06T13:40:04.956-04:00Waiting, waiting, waiting... yet againHere is my u/s results from today:<br /><br />Lining - 13mm<br /><br />Right - 23.3, 18, 18.3, 21.3, 17, 23.6, 22, 22.6, 22, 27.6, 21.3, 16, 22.3, 16, 17, 15.6 and 7<10<br /><br />Left - 22.3, 20.3, 19, 18, 22, 16, 14, 16, 16, 22.3, 20.3, 16.6 and 6<10<br /><br />I am still waiting for my callback to see about trigger. I am guessing tonight.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-11832543433400131562008-06-05T15:54:00.001-04:002008-06-05T15:55:52.483-04:00Holding PatternToday's results:<br /><br />Lining - 14mm<br /><br />Right - 24, 27, 19.3, 21.3, 20.4, 19, 19, 19.3, 17, 13, 15, 18.3, 20.7, 14.3 and 8<10<br /><br />Left - 19, 18.3, 20.7, 14.3, 20.3, 16, 17.8, 19, 18, 20.7, 17, 18 and 6<10<br /><br />E2 - 4300... yup, it went up again so no trigger tonight. <br /><br />I go back tomorrow morning for u/s and b/w AGAIN! Probably will trigger tomorrow (unless the number climbs) and have the ER Sunday. I really was hoping to do it Saturday so I would have Bry home to help the day after. Guess no such luck.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-86848465667767079072008-06-04T08:48:00.004-04:002008-06-04T08:48:55.887-04:00Tons of folliesHere is todays u/s results:<br /><br />Lining - 14mm<br /><br />Right - 19.6, 21, 15, 17, 13, 13, 15.6, 19, 16, 15, 15, 14, 16.6, 17 & 6<10<br /><br />Left - 17, 17, 16, 13.3, 19, 12, 13, 13, 17, 13 & 7<10<br /><br />All I can say is no wonder I am hurting. ;>)Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-29479846710006923922008-06-02T14:05:00.002-04:002008-06-02T23:41:20.534-04:00Another ultrasound - UpdatedHere are the results of this mornings ultrasound:<br /><br />Lining - 11mm<br /><br />Right Ovary - 11.6, 12.3, 14, 17, 14, 12, 12.3, 17.3, 13.3, 4<10<br /><br />Left Ovary - 14, 15, 13, 13, 11.3, 12, 10, 4<10<br /><br />Still waiting on my callback for instructions. I am starting to feel a little uncomfortable... kinda like two bags full of rocks in my belly. Fun, fun, fun!<br /><br />Updated:<br /><br />Got my callback and E2 was at 864 so everything is looking good. I go back Wednesday for another u/s and b/w. For comparison's sake here is my info from my stim day 6 from my last cycle:<br /><br />Right - 13.3, 14.3, 14, 10, 11, 11.6<br /><br />Left - 15, 2<10, 3<6<br />E2 - 572<br />LH - 3<br />FSH - 11<br />Prog - 0.7<br /><br />And this one is from stim day 7 of my first fresh IVF cycle:<br /><br />Right Ovary - 18.3, 16.3, 14.3, 15.3, 15, 15, 12, 18.6, 10<br />Left Ovary - 12, 10.3, 16.3, 12.3<br />Lining - 9 mmKristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-71729289353039688972008-06-01T00:16:00.003-04:002008-06-01T00:19:29.376-04:00Blood work and UltrasoundToday I had another ultrasound and blood work. I had to get up eat 7:45 after being up late for our anniversary yesterday so I was BEAT tired! Things looked good so far. My lining was 12mm. Right ovary follicles were: 11.7, 12.7, 13.7, 13, 13.7, 14.3, 12.7, 11, and 8 <10mm. Left ovary had: 11.7, 11.3, 12, 11.3, 10.7 and 10 <10mm. This is way more follicular growth than I have had in the past. When I got my call back this afternoon they said I was over-responding with a high Estradiol level and so many follies. The are dropping my Follistim back to 75 iu starting tomorrow. <br /><br />I go back on Monday for more b/w and another u/s.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7895590227958350329.post-20373957405154676422008-05-28T23:13:00.003-04:002008-05-28T23:16:34.923-04:00ExhaustedOk, so I am not sure whether I am chocking up my general exhaustion to the meds, my job being insane or to my two wild monkeys but boy am I tired. I feel like I have to remind myself to take my shots. The first time around I was almost excited when it was shot time. It was like every shot got me closer to meeting my future child (children). This time it just feels plain different. I am excited and I really want this to work but it seems like some of stress is not there that was there before. An IVF not working does not seem as earth shattering once you have had a child. I still have babies to love and hold and oogle over. Before if it didn't work I felt like I had nothing. It is kind of nice to get to approach it in this lower key way.Kristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08397695241403505531noreply@blogger.com1