The Back Story

So here is how we came to arrive at another round of IVF...

When I was going regularly to my first RE I got very jaded with the office very quickly. Their prices were way too high and their timetables sucked. One day my older sister called me and said that she had found a flyer at work (she was in PA school at the time) for an IVF study. I called that day and met my dear friend Eileen. She is the clinical coordinator at my now RE's office. She got me into a study for a medication like Clomid and it afforded us 3 low-cost rounds of IUI's. Since then we have stayed friends and she has been a great support for me.

About a month and a half ago I e-mailed her to send pics of the girls. I also said jokingly that if she ever, IN THE FUTURE, had an IVF study to keep me in mind. Not an hour later did I get an e-mail from her saying that she was starting enrollment for an IVF study the following week. It was like kismet... or at least it was to me.

When I was pregnant I said that I would never do more ART. But as soon as the girls were born I found myself wanting a whole gaggle of little Me's. I love being a Mom more than anything I have ever done. Give me whiney kids, The Backyardigans and poopy diapers over suits, paperwork and colleagues any day.

Bry and I talked it over (at length) and decided that even though the timing was not 100% perfect it was definitely meant to be. The week after that my RE reviewed my chart and decided we were eligible for the study. I told them I would do it as long as I could wait until the end of Spring (which was fine) and make sure that I did not take the slot away from any woman who has no kids. I made them promise me that would not happen. I would happily give up my turn to someone without kids.

So anyway that bring us to now. So we are amidst pre-testing and should be getting rolling sometime in May.

Here we go again

For those of you who will be reading this blog... this is a secret! Ok, I know that I am opening myself up to whomever can find this blog but I don't want the whole world (or should I say my whole family) know what I am up to.

For four years I struggled with infertility. I saw handfuls of doctors, specialists, OB's and RE's; submitted myself to what felt like hundreds of procedures, tests, needle sticks and appointments. After four long years, 3 failed IUI's, A failed IVF and A successful FET that led to m/c... I had a successful IVF. I got pregnant with triplets and lost Baby C at the end of the 1st trimester.

I am now the proud Mom of twin girls.

While I was pregnant I told myself and others that I would not do fertility treatments, let alone IVF again. Then once I had my girls I decided how painfully unfair it was that I should NOT have any more kids just because it is harder for me. Am I less deserving? Should a woman only get one shot? Would my having more babies take away from the chances of another infertile woman?

I remember the hell of sitting in the RE's office (especially after a failed cycle or m/c) and wanting to shoot every person who came through the door with their perfect blond haired, blue eyed twins. I thought they were selfish and wrong for trying for more. Why the hell isn't one (or two or three) good enough for these people?

Well I guess I have just crossed over into Selfish Infertile Woman land.

Today I began pre-testing for my fourth try at IVF. More details to come...