Here we go again

For those of you who will be reading this blog... this is a secret! Ok, I know that I am opening myself up to whomever can find this blog but I don't want the whole world (or should I say my whole family) know what I am up to.

For four years I struggled with infertility. I saw handfuls of doctors, specialists, OB's and RE's; submitted myself to what felt like hundreds of procedures, tests, needle sticks and appointments. After four long years, 3 failed IUI's, A failed IVF and A successful FET that led to m/c... I had a successful IVF. I got pregnant with triplets and lost Baby C at the end of the 1st trimester.

I am now the proud Mom of twin girls.

While I was pregnant I told myself and others that I would not do fertility treatments, let alone IVF again. Then once I had my girls I decided how painfully unfair it was that I should NOT have any more kids just because it is harder for me. Am I less deserving? Should a woman only get one shot? Would my having more babies take away from the chances of another infertile woman?

I remember the hell of sitting in the RE's office (especially after a failed cycle or m/c) and wanting to shoot every person who came through the door with their perfect blond haired, blue eyed twins. I thought they were selfish and wrong for trying for more. Why the hell isn't one (or two or three) good enough for these people?

Well I guess I have just crossed over into Selfish Infertile Woman land.

Today I began pre-testing for my fourth try at IVF. More details to come...